


There For Each Other

by LoveMeSomeRafael



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barisi Gift Exchange 2019, Best.Prompts.Ever, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Rafael and Caring Sonny, Hurt Sonny and Caring Rafael, M/M, Married Barisi, Rafael pretending to be annoyed, sexual healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:21:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21856732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveMeSomeRafael/pseuds/LoveMeSomeRafael
Summary: Rafael Barba loses a trial that should've been a slam dunk, and comforts himself by looking through his wedding pictures.  He gets to reminiscing about how he cared for Sonny when Sonny was hurt, pretending all the while to be annoyed and convincing no one.  He remembers how caring led to love.  Sonny interrupts Rafael's walk down memory lane by making Rafael leave work early with him.  It's Sonny's turn to care for Rafael, but the kind of caring Rafael needs isn't so gentle...
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 19
Kudos: 61
Collections: Barisi Holiday Exchange 2019





	There For Each Other

**Author's Note:**

  * For [littleblacksubmarine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleblacksubmarine/gifts).



> May you have the happiest of holidays, @littleblacksubmarine! Thank you for the gift of your awesome prompts, which I loved so much I combined two of them. This one's for you, I hope you like it. <3

Rafael Barba sat in his office, feet up on his desk as always, looking at his phone. To all the world, he looked like he was working, which was the point. He wanted everyone to think he could just shake off his loss and go back to work without a backward glance.

He couldn’t. Not even close. Rafael was devastated. He often said that there is no such thing as a slam dunk case, but if there ever had been, this was it. And yet, at ten o’clock this morning when the jury had announced it had reached a verdict and everyone had hurried back to the courtroom, it was only to hear that the verdict was a staggering “Not Guilty” on every count. Every single fucking count.

The son of a bitch was probably sitting somewhere right now, having a celebratory cocktail and planning his next child rape. Rafael was the one who was supposed to be sitting somewhere with a celebratory cocktail. He and the SVU squad. Instead, they’d all given him their best “you did what you could” looks and slunk away, he was sure, to shake their heads and whisper to each other, wondering how he could have fucked up such an easy case.

No, Rafael wasn’t working. He was doing what he did in his darkest moments, when he most needed solace and comfort and to believe that life is good. He was scrolling through his wedding pictures. Once, in a tipsy, romantic moment of uncharacteristic self-revelation, he’d told Sonny he did this at such times, and Sonny had looked at him as if he’d put the stars in the sky. Of course, Sonny looked at him like that most of the time, but the knowledge that Rafael found in pictures of their wedding a safe harbor from even his deepest hurt had overwhelmed Sonny. He often thought it wasn’t possible to love Rafael more. Rafael constantly found ways to make him do it anyway. 

Rafael contemplated the posed pictures taken by the photographer: the ones with just the two of them, with Sonny’s family, with Rafael’s family, Sonny and Rafael with just their parents. Then he looked at the candid ones taken during the wedding and at the reception. He saved his favorite for last. He always did. 

His favorite picture of his and Sonny’s wedding was a picture taken by one of Rafael’s cousins. In it, Sonny and Rafael are standing in front of the priest, who is pronouncing them married. Although they couldn’t be married in the Church, despite both being lifelong Catholics, Sonny’s parish priest could marry them civilly, and he was happy to do it. The thing Rafael loved about this picture, the thing he could stare at forever, was the look on Sonny’s face as he held Rafael’s hands and gazed into his eyes. All of Sonny’s love was shining there for the world to see, making Sonny look like an angel glowing from within. Sonny said that Rafael was looking at him the same way, which he supposed was true, but he only cared how Sonny was looking at him. This picture, taken the very moment they were married, was proof positive of Sonny’s love for him, and Rafael needed that right now.

Rafael sighed and took a long drink of his coffee. He thought about the days before he and Sonny had found the courage to admit their feelings for one another. And then, for a moment, he was able to actually smile, thinking about the day that changed everything.

That day, he got a call from Olivia Benson, asking him to check on Carisi. Carisi had been beat up pretty good by a perp and the squad was still chasing down the perp’s accomplice. They hadn’t been able to spare someone to take Carisi to the hospital, although he’d promised to go. A uniformed cop had agreed to take him, and Olivia and the rest of the squad had been forced to accept that as good enough because they were hot on the heels of the accomplice. Something hadn’t sat right with Olivia – probably because she knew Carisi – and the first free moment she’d had, she’d checked with the uniform. Sure enough, Carisi had talked the uniform into skipping the hospital and driving him back to the precinct. Hence the call to Barba. The squad couldn’t be there to make Carisi go to the hospital, so Olivia had asked for his help.

Rafael hadn’t been happy about it. Why would he be? Yeah, Carisi was a good cop. He had enviable undercover and interrogation skills. But he treated Rafael like a teen idol. Carisi was eager and hungry to learn, he hung on Rafael’s every word, he challenged him when he felt confident enough, and he tried to impress Rafael at every opportunity. All of that was deeply annoying. Especially because Rafael was helplessly, painfully attracted to him. 

Everything about Sonny Carisi was sexy. Every time he so much as picked up a pen, Rafael had to look at those long fingers and brutally crush the thoughts that roared into his head. The way Carisi moved his long limbs made Rafael think of being wrapped in those limbs _every stinking time he saw Carisi_ , and it was an enormous pain in the ass. So he took every opportunity to insult Carisi, to treat him as though his being in law school was a joke and his every legal insight beneath contempt. But it didn’t work. It had never worked. Carisi was simply not willing to be insulted. It was as though he could see right through Rafael to the reason for his snark, and Rafael resented it. He resented it because it scared him, although he hadn’t known that then.

So when he had to take time out of his day to go over to the precinct and make Carisi behave like a responsible adult, he was cranky and ready to lay into him. 

Until he saw him.

Carisi was sitting at his desk, jacket and tie thrown thoughtlessly across the chair next to it, holding a bloody cloth to the left side of his forehead and wincing as he squinted at his computer screen. He was pale and sweaty, obviously in pain. As soon as he saw Barba, he tried to relax his face, but it was too late. As Barba got closer, he noted the split, swollen lip and the cut underneath Carisi’s left eye, which had a gauze pad taped to it that appeared saturated with blood. Carisi would undoubtedly have a nice shiner in the morning. He was also favoring his right side.

Barba picked up his jacket and tie and said, simply, “Let’s go.”

Carisi tried to look innocent and confused, but Barba wasn’t having it. “You’re going to the hospital, and you have two choices. You can walk out of here with me right now, without any argument, or I can get a couple of these officers to cuff you and drag you out. Choice one, you can ride shotgun. Choice two, you’ll be in the trunk.”  
“Who pissed in your corn flakes?” Carisi asked, looking back at his computer screen in a vain attempt to dismiss Barba. 

“Cuffs and trunk it is.” Barba walked over to where three uniformed officers were talking near the coffee pots. 

“What the hell, Barba? I’m fine. I don’t need-“

Barba ignored him and began to instruct the officers that Lieutenant Benson had given orders to take Detective Carisi to the hospital, however they had to get him there. Sonny, knowing when he was overmatched, sighed deeply, slammed his laptop closed, and stood. Instantly, the world went a dark, wobbly grey and his ears were filled with a low, dull whine that shut out all other sound. The next thing he knew, he was sitting on his desk chair with an officer on either side, and Barba kneeling in front of him, looking into his eyes. 

Barba had one hand on Sonny’s right thigh, and the other was gently, tenderly pushing his hair back from his forehead. 

“OK, just take a minute,” Barba said, in a voice so caring, Sonny would never have believed him capable of it. For a moment, they all just stayed like that while Barba stroked Sonny’s hair, and Sonny tried to bring the world back into focus. 

“Do you want us to walk you out to my car, or do you think we should get you an ambulance?” Sonny thought that kind, patient voice was coming from Rafael Barba, but he was pretty sure that was a hallucination from the blows to his head. He really didn’t feel too good.

“I can walk.” 

“Let me know when you’re ready to try. We’ll help you up.”

“Quit babyin’ me. I’m not hurt.”

“Quit lying to me. I’m not dumb.”

Sonny actually had to smile at that. Yeah, it was really Barba. 

“A’right, maybe I could use a hand, just in case I get dizzy again.”

Barba got to his feet and stooped, putting an arm under each of Carisi’s so that he was basically hugging him, and helped him to his feet. A less dramatic version of the previous dizzy spell ensued, and Carisi leaned hard on Barba, who tightened his arms and just stood holding him until it passed. 

“You’re sure you don’t want an ambulance?” Barba’s voice was low and soft, all concern. 

“No. Please. I don’t wanna… Just let me lean on you.”

The slow walk to the elevator was surreal for both Carisi and Barba, because Barba had his shoulder under Carisi’s arm and his arm tightly around Carisi’s waist, and was holding Carisi’s hand to keep Carisi’s arm around his shoulders. When they reached the elevators, they stood there like that, Carisi leaning on Barba enough that Barba was fairly concerned. Nonetheless, he thanked the officers and told them that he could manage Carisi on his own. 

In the elevator, they stayed holding each other, although Barba had Carisi braced against the wall. Rafael noticed that a streak of blood was now leaking from the gauze under Carisi’s eye. Without a thought, he picked the pocket square from his jacket, gently pulled the soaked gauze free, and pressed the lavender fabric to the cut. _Jesus y Santa Maria_. That was going to need some stitches. What had he been thinking, just going back to the precinct house?

They rode the elevator to the parking garage underneath the station. Fortunately, Barba had gotten lucky with parking and it wasn’t far from the elevator to his car. He helped Carisi all the way into the car and stayed with him until he was belted in before going around to the drivers’ side. Carisi leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes.

“Thank you,” he muttered.

“You’re an idiot.”

“I know I got knocked in the head, but I don’t think that’s the proper response.”

Rafael bit down on his anger, and it was anger. Carisi was seriously hurt, and his need to be macho instead of taking care of things had probably cost him a scar on his face and God knew what kind of neurological damage that could have been avoided if he’d just gone to the hospital in the first place. A scar wasn’t such a big deal, but what if he had intracranial bleeding? And he was clearly protecting the right side of his chest. What if he had internal injuries? Broken ribs? What if he was really badly hurt? Rafael kept telling himself how stupid Carisi had been and how annoyed he, Rafael, was by this interruption in his day, which was looking like it would last a while. He worked hard to ignore the knowledge that what he was feeling was more than that. 

When they got to the hospital, Barba barked at Carisi to stay in the car, then ran in and raised Cain until a number of Emergency Department personnel rushed out to help Carisi out of the car and onto a gurney. They whisked Carisi back into a treatment room, leaving Rafael standing near the reception desk feeling cast adrift. He looked around, having no idea what he was supposed to do now. All he knew was that he wasn’t leaving Carisi. 

“Sir?” A woman wearing scrubs tried to get his attention. 

“Yes.”

“If you’d like to give me your name and take a seat in the waiting room, I can let you know when you can see your, uh… husband? Boyfriend?”

“Yes,” Rafael snapped. It was easier than explaining, and it meant he’d have a better chance of getting information.

“Would you like to wait, or…?”

“Yes.” He gave the woman his name and commenced the longest, most tensely annoyed hour of his life. He sat in a ridiculously uncomfortable plastic chair with a television blaring inanity and a room full of adults ignoring the flock of children wreaking havoc and causing an intolerable amount of noise. After that hour, Rafael’s patience snapped. He stood, turned to where the pack of feral children were gathered, and snapped his fingers as loudly as he could. The powerful click had an instantaneous effect. Every child turned to him and froze, wide-eyed and ready to be scolded. 

“Sit!” He snarled, and they did. From the corner of his eye, he caught the now-silent children shooting fearful looks at him while he worked his phone and tried not to grin.

Sonny was quickly stripped of everything but his underwear, and put into a clean, starched hospital gown. He felt like an utter jackass, but he had to admit his shirt and slacks were pretty badly stained with blood. After his nurse, a small, thin black man in rumpled scrubs, took his vital signs, Sonny settled down for what he was sure was going to be a long wait. He checked his phone. As expected, there were messages. Two were phone messages from Lieutenant Benson, and there were a bunch of texts from Dodds and Rollins. He decided his head would explode if he tried to deal with those, so he simply texted Rollins.

 **Sonny Carisi:**  
Benson sent Barba to force me to go to the ER. Here now. All fine except Barba wants to kill me.

Sonny laid back and closed his eyes, knowing that Amanda would tell the rest of the team he was at the hospital and OK. Only a few seconds later, however, he heard his phone ping with a return text.

 **Amanda:**  
Perp carjacked an old Asian guy who clocked him with a dead chicken. In pursuit now. Dodds driving like my grandma. This is what you miss when you get yourself beat up.  
**Amanda:**  
Also don’t worry, Barba wants to kill everyone.

Sonny couldn’t help grinning. He would much rather have been in pursuit of the perp than here in a ridiculous getup cooling his heels. And he was sincerely sorry to have missed the old guy and the chicken.

The nurse and the doctor came in then, and the doctor began a thorough examination of all of Sonny’s injuries. She was a compact blonde with short, frizzy hair, and looked very young. The nurse stood by with a computer tablet, typing in what the doctor told him about her findings. 

“By the way,” the nurse said, “your boyfriend is in the waiting room. We’ll let him know when he can come back and see you.”

“My…”

The doctor began shining a light in Sonny’s eyes and he decided it wasn’t worth correcting them.

At last, a man Rafael assumed was Carisi’s nurse called his name, and led him through a set of large wooden doors on automatic hinges and down a hall to the treatment room where Carisi, now properly bandaged and wearing a hospital gown rather than his bloody shirt, lay sleepily on the gurney.

The nurse explained that the doctor would be in momentarily to give them discharge instructions. He left them alone and Rafael turned to Carisi, asking none too gently, “So? How bad is it?”

“I got a concussion and ten stitches. Few bruised ribs, nothing broken.” 

Rafael made himself ask, “How do you feel?”

“Sore and sick, and kinda stupid. I’m sure I’m gonna get a lecture from the Lieu.”

“You’re gonna get a lecture from _me_. What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking I have a job to do, and I’d appreciate it if you’d back off, all right? I’m really not in the mood for your shit.”

Rafael started. He’d never heard Carisi swear, let alone snap at him. Suddenly, he wasn’t sure how to feel. He wanted to be irritated, but this was so uncharacteristic of Carisi that, instead, he was back to being worried. 

Moments later, the doctor hurried into the room, tablet computer in hand. Rafael thought she looked like a child and instantly wanted to ask to see her credentials and her drivers’ license. He settled for the fact that her white jacket said “M.D.” after her name, but only because he just wanted to get out of here, take Carisi home, and get back to work. 

The doctor shook Rafael’s hand quickly and perfunctorily before getting back to her tablet. “I’m willing to discharge you, Mr. Carisi, since you’re so determined, but I want to tell you again that I strongly recommend you let us keep you overnight for observation.”

“No.”

Rafael had never heard Carisi sound quite so… final. 

“Right. So here’s the deal. You need to take it easy for the next forty-eight hours. And by ‘easy’, I mean bedrest. You have a pretty good concussion. As for the rest, you’re gonna feel worse before you feel better; those bruises are just the beginning. I’m sending you home with something for the pain, but you also need to get a good soak in a hot bath with Epsom salts tonight, and again each day until you start to feel less sore. No work, Detective. I mean it. Desk duty for at least a week, but not for the next two days. For the next two days you’re in bed.”

Appearances can be deceiving, Rafael thought. This “child” had some teeth. But she wasn’t through.

“I happen to know your Lieutenant; she’s been the responding detective for some assault victims I’ve treated. I’ve already called her. So don’t bother trying to go in to the precinct.” She turned to Rafael. “You’re gonna need to keep a close eye on him for the next twenty-four hours. If he gets nauseous, if you’re not able to wake him up, if he has a severe headache, or if his pupils are different sizes, I want you to bring him right back here.”

“But-“

“If you have to sit on him to keep him in bed, do it.”

“No, you don’t understand-“

“All right. Here are the care instructions.” She handed a sheaf of papers to Rafael. “Your boyfriend is a very stubborn man, and he really ought to stay here overnight. So you need to be smarter than he is and make him follow instructions. Any questions?”

“I-“ 

“All right. You can help him get dressed and the nurse will be in with his discharge papers in a few minutes.” With that, the doctor swept from the room.

“I don’t have a bathtub.”

Rafael slowly, disbelievingly turned to face Carisi, who lay on the gurney with his eyes closed, a hand to his forehead. “What?”

“I can’t take baths, I don’t have a bathtub.”

Rafael squeezed his eyes closed and pinched the bridge of his nose. This isn’t happening. “Where are your clothes?”

Carisi opened his eyes and sat up, swinging his impossibly long legs over the edge of the gurney. “I got it,” he sighed. 

Rafael watched as Carisi immediately regretted sitting up so fast, and grasped the edge of the gurney for support. “Right.”

He looked around, saw Carisi’s clothes on a chair on the other side of the room and went to pick them up.

“I can dress myself,” Carisi grouched. “I don’t need your help.”

“Detective, I do not have time for pretty much any of this.” He laid the clothes down next to Carisi and picked up his shirt. “So just shut up and take off that hospital gown. Let’s get this over with.”

When Carisi untied the gown and pulled it down his arms, Barba got his first look at the deep red bruise covering half the right side of his chest. He sucked in his breath. “ _Dios mio_!”

Carisi said nothing, just reached out for his shirt, which Barba didn’t hand him. Instead, he held it out so that Carisi could slip his arm in the sleeve, and then pulled it around him and held it so he could slide his other arm in. He let Carisi deal with the buttons, since that didn’t involve any effort, then held his pants down near his feet so he could slide his legs in. Rafael was grateful that he hadn’t found Carisi’s underwear in the pile of clothes. He really didn’t want to have to deal with helping him with _that_. It was bad enough having to pull his slacks up those ridiculous legs – which actually were more muscular than Rafael had expected, now that he saw them uncovered – until Carisi could reach them, pull them the rest of the way up and deal with his own zipper and belt. 

Barba had to put Carisi’s socks on for him. Carisi started to complain, but Barba just gave him a withering scowl and said, “You really want to bend down right now? How’s that going to feel on your head or your chest?”

Sonny frowned and rolled his eyes, but let Barba put on his socks and shoes. He felt like a damn baby, and he didn’t like it at all. He felt so shitty, though, that he just wanted to get home to bed, and if he had to endure this humiliation to get there, so be it.

The nurse came in with discharge papers, which he gave to Barba, and made Carisi get into a wheelchair. Again Carisi started to complain. Again, Barba was having none of it. “Sit your ass down, Detective. You want out of here, or not?”

At long last, they were in Barba’s car and away from the hospital. Carisi leaned his head back against the headrest again, with his eyes closed, as Barba drove to the nearest drug store to pick up the list of things Carisi needed: bandages, antibiotic ointment, and Epsom salts, among other things. Carisi stirred when the car stopped, but Barba simply grumbled, “Sit. I got it.”

Back with the supplies, Barba drove to his apartment. Carisi, eyes closed, hadn’t noticed until he felt the car angle down into the garage below Barba’s building. 

“Where are we?” He mumbled.

“My building.”

“Why?”

“You don’t have a damn bathtub.”

“No, I-“

“Shut up.” Barba got out of the car and took the bag of drug store supplies from the back seat. He was around to the passenger side before Carisi had the door open. 

“Just take me home. I’ll call my Ma, she’ll-“

“She’ll let you walk all over her and tell her you’re fine and she won’t make you go back to the hospital if you get worse. She also can’t manufacture a bathtub. I don’t like this any more than you do, Carisi, but this is what’s happening, so let’s do this. Let me get an arm under you…” 

Sonny felt like crap, he really did. He was sore, he was a little woozy from the pain meds, and he had a bitch of a headache. He figured the quickest way to be able to just lay down and sleep was to go along with Barba. Besides, he wasn’t sure he could have made Barba take him home even if he was at his best, and he sure the hell wasn’t at his best right now. He would never admit it, but he also was a little glad that Barba was here. His Ma would fuss and worry and he’d end up having to try to make _her_ feel better about his being hurt. Barba would just put him in bed and forget him, which is what he wanted right now. Another time, the idea of Barba putting him to bed might have been extremely interesting, but right now, he found the bed part more enticing than the Barba part.

He let Barba help him gingerly exit the car, and obediently kept his arm around Barba’s shoulders as they made their way to the elevator. Sonny wished he didn’t feel so lousy, or he’d have enjoyed the hell out of walking with his arm around Barba.

Once inside Barba’s apartment, he woke up a little. Hurt or not, Sonny wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to see where Barba lived. He was surprised. He’d expected an expensively decorated, immaculate lair, something like Barba’s suits in the form of an apartment. Instead, it was a home. The furniture was more upscale than Carisi’s own, but it was built for comfort more than style, and the décor was more Better Homes & Gardens than Architectural Digest. Sonny liked it. It felt comfortable. It looked lived-in, too, with a few books and magazines scattered around, a used coffee mug and plate full of crumbs on the wide ottoman in front of the couch, and other signs of casual habitation. He liked that it wasn’t pristine. It made Barba seem more human.

Barba had led him to his couch and instructed him to rest while he took care of some things. A while later, Sonny was surprised to see him come back into his living room in shirtsleeves with his tie gone and a few shirt buttons undone. Sonny had apparently dozed a bit. 

“OK, it’s ready. Come on,” Barba said, leaning down to put an arm behind Sonny to help him up. 

Sonny expected Barba to lead him to a guest room, but instead he was led into Barba’s own room, where Sonny could hear water running in the adjoining bathroom. He was surprised to find that Barba had run a bath in a surprisingly large and deep bathtub. The steam in the room told him that the water was hot, and he could see a good-sized bag of Epsom salts on the floor next to the tub. There were fluffy-looking towels and a tan terry-cloth robe laid out on the counter. 

“You didn’t have to do all this.”

“According to your doctor, I did. Shut up and unbutton your shirt.” 

“Are you… I’m not…”

“Carisi? Just don’t, all right? Do what I say.”

Despite how he felt, Sonny grinned at that. Strangely, he appreciated Barba’s cranky bedside manner. He liked it a lot better than his Ma’s fussing, and he also knew, from the way Barba had spoken to him when he’d almost passed out at the precinct and the effort he was making now, that it was more or less a front. Just like pretending he didn’t enjoy Sonny’s hero-worship of him or recognize when Sonny made a good legal point. 

But this was about to get awkward. He could probably get his clothes off, but he was none too steady on his feet, and he wasn’t sure about getting into and out of the bathtub. Still, a hot bath sounded so good to him right now; a soak of his sore chest muscles and the rest of the aches and bruises from the fight would be wonderful. He obediently pulled his shirt out of the waistband of his pants and unbuttoned it. Barba moved behind him and pulled it off his arms from the back. Sonny had to admit, that would’ve been hard to do without him. He worked off his shoes without untying them, but only to delay the inevitable. He decided to pretend he was in a locker room. He’d just undress, and let Barba deal with it however he was going to. 

Rafael dealt with it by pretending it was the most normal thing in the world to have Sonny Carisi standing in his bathroom, shucking his pants. He leaned down and pulled his slacks, including underwear this time, off his feet while Carisi leaned on him for balance. He pulled Carisi’s socks off at the same time. 

Both pretending nothing was out of the ordinary, Barba supported Carisi while he stepped gingerly into the bathtub and slowly, carefully eased himself down into the almost too hot water. Both wished there were bubbles or something to cover Carisi’s nakedness, but neither gave any outward sign. Once Carisi was lying back in the tub, Barba stood back and repositioned the towels for somewhere to focus his attention. 

“I’m making you some chamomile tea,” he said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Call me if you need something. I’ll hear you.”

“Mmm-hmmm,” Sonny answered, eyes closed. He was glad Barba was leaving the room, not only because of the discomfort of such a strange situation, but also because the bath felt fabulous and he wanted to luxuriate in it for a while by himself. He looked down at his chest. The bruise had darkened even from earlier at the hospital, and was now a dark purple. He reached up and touched the bandage over the stitched cut on his face. It was tender, but not too bad. His split lip hurt worse.

 _What the fuck am I doing?_ Rafael felt as dazed as Carisi was. Carisi. Who was, at this moment, buck naked in Rafael’s bathtub. He didn’t know what else he could possibly have done, but this situation was bizarre, and Rafael had absolutely no idea how to feel. He’d been too focused on Carisi’s safety to have any embarrassing reaction to his nudity, but Rafael had _looked_. Of course he’d looked. And now he had _that_ in his head. He filled his tea kettle and tried to figure out how he was going to get through the next forty-eight hours. 

Ten minutes later, Rafael returned with a steaming mug of tea, which he set next to Carisi on the edge of the tub. He studiously avoided looking anywhere but Carisi’s face. “You need anything else?”

“No. I’m good.”

“All right. I’m going to be in the next room, so just call out if you need anything. Otherwise, I’ll be back in half an hour to help you out. OK?”

“OK.”

Rafael gratefully headed toward the door. He was just about to close it behind him when he heard Carisi mumble, “Thank you.”

“You’re an idiot,” he responded, the kindness and humor in his voice belying the words. He heard Carisi chuckle as he closed the door.

Half an hour later, Barba had changed the sheets on his bed and was knocking quietly on the door to the bathroom. “You ready to get out?”

“I guess.”

Carisi was already pushing himself to a standing position using the sides of the bathtub by the time Barba got there, so he grabbed a towel and handed it to Carisi when he was on his feet. Carisi was able to hold it strategically while Barba helped him over the side of the tub and onto the bath mat. The purpose of the terry cloth robe was so that Barba didn’t have to help Carisi dry himself off. Some things were just not possible. He simply held the robe behind Carisi and helped him slide his arms into it. All Barba had to do was dry Carisi’s feet and lower legs for him. 

Ten minutes later, Sonny was snugly settled in Barba’s bed. It was shockingly comfortable – apparently, Barba had expensive taste in sheets as well as clothing – and after the hot bath, Sonny found himself feeling very sleepy.

“Call if you need something,” Barba said in that tender, gentle voice he’d used earlier at the precinct. “I’ll wake you up when it’s time for more pain medicine.”

“But if I’m asleep…”

Barba stopped halfway to the door and turned around. “Don’t argue with me. Anyway, I have to make sure I _can_ wake you up, remember?”

“Whatever. Good night.” Carisi turned painfully on his left side and settled further under the covers.

“Good night.”

“Hey… Barba?”

“Don’t thank me any more,” Barba grouched from the doorway.

“No… I was just gonna ask, why are you doin’ this?”

“I have no earthly idea,” Barba sighed. “Go to sleep.”

Sonny was shocked to be awakened by Rafael Barba, and to find himself in Barba’s bed wearing nothing but Barba’s robe. He was also shocked at how bad his head and chest hurt. He took the pills Barba gave him and asked what time it was. 

“It’s five thirty. Do you want me to make you something for dinner?”

“I… That’s nice of you, but I’m really not hungry. I think I’d just like to sleep.”

“If you change your mind later, I can always make something then.”

“Thank-“

“Don’t say it.”

The doorbell was a surprise. Rafael was trying to do the work he hadn’t been able to get to while he was with Carisi at the hospital, and he wasn’t expecting anyone. He sighed and went reluctantly to look out his peephole, and was annoyed to see Amanda Rollins and Mike Dodds at his door. Fuck. Not only had Carisi blown up his workday and taken over his bed, now he was having houseguests. 

“What can I do for you?” Rafael’s tone was intentionally aloof and irritated. He really hoped he wasn’t expected to let them in.

“The Lieutenant said that Carisi was here,” Dodds said, trying to look past Rafael. 

Rollins asked, “Can we see him?” 

“He’s asleep. He has a concussion, Detective, which is not a condition that’s helped by entertaining guests.”

Was that a smirk she was hiding? “We’re not guests, Barba. We’re family. Can I just peek in on him? He’s my partner. I’ve been really worried all day.”

“You get the guy?” Rafael asked, as though it was a condition for being allowed in.

“Yeah,” Dodds answered, standing expectantly and crowding the doorway. “Benson and Fin are finishing the paperwork now.”

Rafael sighed. They weren’t going away. Well, if they expected refreshments, they were going to be sorely disappointed.

“Fine. Rollins, you can just peek in on him, but _don’t_ wake him up. I just gave him some more pain pills an hour ago and he said he wants to sleep.”

Amanda beamed a sweet smile at him, and all but pushed past him into his apartment. She was hungrily eyeing everything, as though absorbing all the details of Barba’s apartment so she could remember it. Which was, of course, exactly what she was doing.

“Door at the end of the hall.”

Rafael briefly considered closing the door and making Dodds wait in the hallway, but he actually didn’t mind Dodds much, so he waved him in and shut the door. While Rollins was looking in on Carisi, Dodds filled Barba in on the events of the day. By the time he was done, and had gotten the details of Carisi’s injuries from Barba, Rollins was back.

“He’s really out.”

“I believe that’s what I said,” Barba muttered.

Again, he could swear that Rollins was smothering a grin. “Well, thank you for letting me look in on him,” she said, with all the sweetness she could muster. “It looks like you’re taking really good care of him.”

“I’m not… It was not my idea or my intention to take care of your partner, Detective. _Someone_ had to keep an eye on his condition, because he refused to stay in the hospital.”

“Of course,” she agreed. 

“Well, I won’t keep you,” Rafael said, dismissing them as he opened his apartment door. 

Dodds and Rollins managed not to make eye contact, which neither of them would have been able to do without laughing, as they shuffled out into the hallway.

“Let us know if he needs anything,” Dodds said.

Barba made a noncommittal sound as he closed the door behind them. 

Dodds and Rollins made it to the stairway before they started laughing. 

“I’m so gonna win,” Rollins said.

“No, you’re not. He’s pissed as hell. There’s no way they screw.”

“Says you. I’m already spendin’ that fifty bucks you’re gonna owe me when they do.”

“Not happening. You’re gonna owe me.”

“Barba is not actually gonna murder Carisi.”

“That’s not the bet. Any physical injury and I win. _That’s the bet_.”

The next time Sonny awoke, it was dark and he could hear Barba moving around in the room. 

“What time is it,” Sonny croaked. 

“After ten. It’s time for some more pain medicine, if you want it.”

“I think so.”

Barba came over to the side of the bed and turned on the lamp on the table. He shook two pills from the bottle and helped Sonny sit up to take them. Barba was wearing a scruffy Harvard T-shirt and thin, old-looking sweatpants. Sonny was amused to see him in something more casual than he would ever have guessed Barba owned. 

“Dodds and Rollins stopped by. They’re worried about you. And I talked to Liv. She thinks I should be canonized for taking care of you.”

“You’d make a lousy saint.”

“Don’t I know it. You need anything else?”

“No, I’m good.”

Barba turned out the light and, to Sonny’s amazement, he felt the mattress move as Barba got in with him. It was a king-sized bed, but it still felt stunningly intimate to be sharing it. Somehow, he must have communicated his surprise to Barba.

“If I had a guest room, Detective, you’d be in it. Only reason you’re not on the couch is you’re too long for it. Which, under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t think twice about, but you’re hurt. And I’m not giving up my bed for anyone.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Good. Don’t. And one more thing. Snore, and you’re on the fire escape in a sleeping bag, hurt or not.” 

It was a long time before either of them fell asleep, although they both laid still and silent as though unconscious instantly.

Rafael awakened early, roused from sleep by the unusual sensation of someone else in his bed. He suddenly remembered that it was Carisi, of all people on the planet, and he wanted to jump up immediately. Something made him hesitate, though. He could hear from Carisi’s deep, even breathing that he was still asleep, and Rafael couldn’t resist taking the opportunity to look over at him. 

Carisi was facing him, face quiet and peaceful, hair an adorable mess. He was so damn cute Rafael felt himself smile and, for many minutes, he simply lay there and watched Carisi sleep. His eye was fully blackened now, but it was impossible to tell how swollen it was until he tried to open it. Right this minute, Rafael didn’t want him to do that. He just wanted to enjoy the delicious novelty of the outlandish, never-to-be-repeated experience of waking up in bed with Sonny Carisi. Pretty, goofy, unexpectedly brilliant, lovable Sonny Carisi. On that note, Rafael slipped out of bed and got dressed before he could make a fool of himself. 

By the time Sonny woke up, Barba was already out of bed. Sonny had been intensely curious to see what Barba looked like in the morning, but when Barba came into the bedroom to offer Sonny a cup of coffee, Sonny wasn’t surprised to find him already fully dressed. Somehow, he’d known Barba wouldn’t let himself be that vulnerable, bed-sharing or not. Barba made another trip into the kitchen and returned with a plate filled with eggs, bacon, and toast, which he helped Sonny sit up to eat.

Sonny was more sore than he’d been the night before. The problem was, he couldn’t sleep anymore. The good news was that he could now get up and walk without dizziness. Thankfully, that meant he was able to navigate getting into and out of the bath himself. He took another long, hot soak in the Epsom salts and felt much better. 

Barba wouldn’t let him do anything afterwards, but at least he let him get up to the couch so he could watch television. Surprisingly, Barba had every movie channel and streaming service known to man. He didn’t seem like much of a TV watcher, and when Sonny asked about it, he confirmed that he wasn’t. He said that, when he did want to watch something, he could never find anything worth watching, so he liked a lot of choices. Which sounded so much like Barba that Sonny believed him.

Rafael was working from home so he could make sure Carisi obeyed the doctor’s orders. He was very grateful Carisi could now bathe on his own, because Rafael needed no repeat of the day before. Today he wasn’t sure he’d be able to be as clinical as he’d been last evening. Carisi was wearing a pair of his shorts, because none of his pants would have come close to being long enough, with a T-shirt and a hoodie Rafael had forgotten he even owned. It was cute enough to see him wearing Rafael’s clothes, but it was Carisi’s hair, free of gel and falling over his forehead, that was doing things to Rafael’s insides. He couldn’t even be as surly as he intended to because he was so tempted to reach out and run his hands through it.

Sonny was having similar problems. He felt better after a long, hot soak in a bath liberally laced with Epsom salts and a couple of pain pills, which left him free to pay attention to other bodily sensations. One of them was the simmering heat he was starting to feel being here with Barba. Sonny watched him, sitting at the heavy, carved-wood table in his dining area and concentrating on his laptop. Barba was really ridiculously handsome. His thick, dark hair and deep green eyes were a lethal combination, and seeing him here in his home, wearing jeans and a soft-looking pullover, made Sonny realize just how attracted he was to Barba. 

Barba must have felt Sonny’s eyes on him. He looked up. “You need something?” He looked at his watch. “Oh, it’s time for pain medicine.”

Barba got up and went into this bedroom, returning with the bottle of pills. He handed them to Carisi and went to the kitchen to get him a glass of water. When Carisi had taken the pills, Barba sat on the edge of the large ottoman in front of the couch. “I want to take a look at that eye and that cut,” he explained, seeming a bit flustered.

He looked at the black eye, swollen about halfway shut, the split lip, and the stitched cut on Carisi’s cheek that no longer had a bandage on it after Carisi’s bath. It was longer than Barba had realized. “Is that going to leave a scar?” He asked softly.

“Doctor says maybe a slight one, won’t be noticeable unless you’re lookin’ for it.” Carisi was speaking a little softly, too. Was something… happening between them?

“Let’s see that bruise,” Barba said. 

Sonny sat up a little more and lowered the blanket covering him, pulling up his T-shirt to expose the now fully-developed bruise. It covered more than half the right side of his chest and it was a dark, almost black color, deeper in the middle but still a mottled black on the edges. Rafael swore in Spanish and, without a thought, reached out and tenderly touched it with just the tips of his fingers, ever-so-lightly stroking across it. 

The effect on Sonny was instant. He had never before experienced a hot flash and goosebumps simultaneously, but he did then, and he felt that touch deep in his groin. He hissed in his breath, causing Barba to snatch his hand back from Sonny’s chest. He looked into Sonny’s eyes.

“Did I hurt you?”

For a second, long enough to realize it was happening, Sonny just looked into Barba’s lovely green eyes. He shook his head slightly. “No. You didn’t hurt me.”

“I…” Barba began, in that quiet, caring voice Sonny still couldn’t believe existed. “That looks painful.”

“The meds help. The baths, too.” Their eyes were still locked. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I am grateful to you for everything. Thanks for bein’ there for me.”

“You’re welcome, Sonny.” 

Barba had never once called him Sonny. He hadn’t yet recovered from the touch, he absolutely couldn’t look away, and now Barba had called him Sonny. He felt a rush of heat through his body, which pooled down low, coupled with a surge of lightning through his gut. “You’re nicer than you want people to know.”

“No, I’m not. I just… You’re hurt.” Rafael looked down, but he didn’t move. He wasn’t sure he could, and he really didn’t want to. That was want he was seeing in Carisi’s eyes. Even with the one being swollen, Barba knew it as well as he knew his own name. 

“You like me more than you want people to know, too,” Carisi murmured. 

“Do you… I could make you lunch.”

“I don’t want lunch,” Sonny said, and now his voice carried as much want as his eyes did. He had never seen Barba look like this: soft, vulnerable. Interested. 

“What do you want?”

Sonny swallowed. He knew he was going to do it. Terrified of the outcome as he suddenly was, he was more afraid of letting this moment pass. “I want you to kiss me.”

Barba’s eyes were back on his. He frowned a little. “I don’t think… I…”

As Sonny listened to Barba stammer and grope for words for the first time since he’d known him, he knew that he wasn’t misreading anything about this situation. So he reached out and took one of Barba’s hands in his. “Just kiss me.”

Rafael was disconcerted. _Where had this come from?_ All he’d meant to do was check on Carisi’s wounds, but suddenly he’d been pulled in by those insanely blue eyes of Carisi’s, and his soft hair falling over his forehead rather than carefully arranged, making him look younger and more vulnerable…

He felt himself letting Carisi pull him toward the couch, felt himself shifting his weight and pivoting on his feet so he was sitting next to Carisi, felt himself reach up with one finger to touch Carisi’s split lip. “Your lip is cut.”

“My lip is fine,” Carisi whispered, sliding his arm behind Rafael and using his other hand to softly touch Rafael’s jaw with his fingers and gently, almost imperceptibly urge him closer. “Kiss me.”

Rafael tried to be gentle when Carisi leaned in and touched his lips to Rafael’s. It felt like the right thing to do, not only because of Carisi’s injury but also because he felt extremely wary about what was happening. This was Sonny Carisi. This was the man he hadn’t been able to get out of his head for months. This was… Rafael’s thoughts began to muddle.

Carisi’s lips felt as good as they looked. Rafael cradled Carisi’s uninjured cheek as Carisi, perhaps trying to show him that his lip wasn’t too injured for this, pressed his mouth harder to Rafael’s. The kiss was perfect. Carisi clearly knew what he was doing – his lips were firm, with just the right amount of moisture and the slightest hint of things to come. Rafael’s body forgot his surprise at Carisi asking to be kissed, and began to respond to the kiss, instead. He felt and heard himself utter a soft moan, at which Carisi teased his lower lip with a tiny flick of his tongue. 

Rafael’s groin filled with tense, delicious heat as he relaxed his mouth just a bit and felt Carisi take advantage of his receptive softening to lick a definite request across the slight part between his lips. Rafael moaned again, just a bit louder, and opened his mouth. Sonny actually tasted sweet. Of course, his kisses had a delicious hint of coffee in them, but Rafael decided he was not imagining the delicate, honey-like tang that made him want to get as close as possible.

Sonny couldn’t believe what was happening. He was as stunned as Barba was that he’d asked Barba to kiss him, and now… He should have known Barba would be as practiced and adept at kissing as he was at everything he did. Sonny had known how Barba would taste, the thousand times he’d imagined this moment. He had no idea how he’d known, but he had, and he didn’t try to resist the impulse to dare using his tongue. When Barba moaned and moved closer, welcoming Sonny’s intrusion, Sonny felt a surge of heat and a rush of want.

The next long while was filled with exploration. They used their lips and tongues and hands to begin to explore one another physically, but they were also exploring this tentative connection they had acknowledged. They’d both been thinking about this, but neither of them had ever expected it to actually happen. Now that it was happening, now that they were here, kissing each other and getting increasingly bolder with their caresses, it felt different than either had considered. Rafael’s unexpected kindness and Sonny’s unexpected boldness had changed things between them in a subtle but permanent way.

“Sonny…” Rafael tried to think rationally, although he was panting with desire – they both were – and having trouble holding back from taking things further. 

“Hmmmm?” Sonny began kissing Rafael’s neck, which did nothing to help him focus.

“We need to stop.”

Sonny wouldn’t have been Sonny had he not instantly, though very reluctantly, lifted his lips from Rafael’s warm, delicious skin. Rafael wasn’t wearing anything scented, and he smelled almost wickedly good, like warm vanilla with a hint of musky spice. Sonny wanted to lick him, and he’d been about to when Rafael uttered the magic word.

“Stop?” Sonny gasped.

“You’re hurt.” Rafael pulled back to look at Sonny, although they kept their arms around one another. His look was questioning, searching Sonny’s face for clues to how he was feeling, both physically and emotionally. “You have a concussion, you shouldn’t be… exerting yourself.”

“I’m not, yet. But I want to.” Sonny’s grin was definitely carnal, but also sweetly inviting in a way that made it nearly impossible for Rafael not to pull him back for more serious necking. 

“But it could be dangerous. I mean, blood pressure, and elevated heart rate…” Rafael forgot what he was going to say because Sonny’s wide smile and twinkling eyes sucked the breath right from his body.

“Rafael, I can tell you that my blood pressure and heart rate are definitely elevated, and I feel great. You feel great, too,” he said, moving closer so he could resume sliding his hand over Rafael’s chest. He leaned in and kissed Rafael. “I know it would probably hurt to do what I really want to do with you, but… I promise you, I’m fine.”

“I don’t want to do anything that would hurt you worse.”

“I know.” Sonny dipped his head to catch Rafael’s gaze. “I know that. But I don’t want to stop.”

Rafael hesitated. “I don’t, either,” he whispered, his lips close to Sonny’s again. “I think I have an idea.”

Sonny felt some very pleasant twitching at the tone of Rafael’s voice. 

“Let’s lay you down.”

Sonny was the one who hesitated then. “Take me to bed.”

“Even better.”

When Rafael had Sonny stretched out in his bed, he languidly, lovingly explored all the non-injured parts of his face, neck, and chest with his hands and mouth, sliding his shirt from Sonny’s body along the way. Sonny tried to be an active participant, but Rafael murmured, “You’re so pretty, Sonny. Let me just enjoy you…”

“You worried about my blood pressure?” Sonny whispered.

“No. Mine.” Rafael chuckled into Sonny’s neck as he teased Sonny with his hands, stroking closer and closer to his rigid cock. 

Sonny groaned and moved his hips, urging Rafael to touch him. Rafael slid his hand over Sonny’s crotch, lightly, and Sonny arched up into his hand. It was all Rafael could do not to clasp him through his shorts, feeling that his dirty imagination had been delightfully accurate. Instead, he slid his hand softly back up Sonny’s shaft, barely touching, to dip it below his waistband and finally touch him, sliding his fingers across the sensitive, leaking tip and listening to Sonny’s erotic moan in response. He took Sonny in his hand, letting his fingers explore and lightly stroke.

“Fuck, Rafael… Oh, shit that feels good…”

“Is anything hurting? Your headache’s not worse, or…?”

“I feel amazing. You feel amazing.” Sonny captured Rafael’s mouth and kissed him thoroughly while Rafael began a slow rhythm up and down Sonny’s shaft. “I imagined bein’ with you like this, Rafael, but I never coulda imagined how good a kisser you are…”

“I want to taste you. Will you let me put my mouth on you?”

“Fuck, yeah… anything you want,” Sonny gasped. 

Rafael’s laugh was soft and sinful. “Be careful what you promise me, Detective. For today, just relax and let me take care of you.”

“Oh… shit… Rafael…”

Sonny thought he’d received some good head in his life. But when Rafael slid his shorts past his hips and down his legs, tossing them away without a thought, and began to lick his way around Sonny’s head, he knew he was in for something extraordinary. With supreme skill and attention to detail, Rafael delicately fingered Sonny’s balls and licked up, down, and around his cock for a long time before taking it into his hot, wet mouth. Sonny felt a fairly significant twinge of pain from his chest as he nearly came off the bed. Rafael was doing something wickedly stimulating with his tongue while he exerted just the right amount of suction as he slowly raised and lowered his mouth on Sonny. 

Sonny lost all sense of the sounds he was making, but Rafael heard every one. He wasn’t going to last very long; hearing Sonny Carisi utter those helpless groans and words of ecstasy was so hot he couldn’t help but rub his own cock against the sheets. He looked up at gorgeous, wrecked Sonny, sheets fisted in his hands and a sheen of sweat across his forehead, rocking his hips to fuck Rafael’s mouth, and had to slow the pumping of his own hips so he didn’t come before Sonny did.

Rafael enjoyed long moments, tasting Sonny and reveling in pleasuring his pretty dick, until, with a strangled cry, Sonny erupted into Rafael’s waiting throat. Sonny shouted, then groaned, then practically whimpered as Rafael mouthed him through his orgasm. At the same time, Rafael rubbed himself against the sheets until he, too, came hard, aroused beyond control by the sounds of Sonny’s pleasure.

It was many minutes before Rafael regained enough breath and strength to crawl up the bed and take Sonny gently in his arms. It was a month before Sonny was healed enough for Rafael to stop trying to protect him when they made love. It was about six months before Rafael and Sonny realized they’d fallen deeply and permanently in love, and another six months before Rafael found the courage to risk it all by asking Sonny to marry him. (Sonny always pointed out that it took him less than a second to enthusiastically and joyfully accept Rafael’s proposal.) A year after that, Rafael’s cousin took his favorite wedding picture, the moment they were married.

Rafael was pulled from his reverie by the sound of his phone and the appearance on his screen of a laughing, smiling picture of Sonny that always gave Rafael’s heart a tug. He really, really didn’t want to answer. He didn’t want Sonny to know how bad he’d screwed up the trial or that, because of him, a child rapist was even now out on the streets. For the first time ever, he wanted to hide in shame from his husband. He pushed the button anyway. 

“I love you,” Sonny’s voice came through, even though Rafael hadn’t yet mustered the courage to say hello.

“Maybe if you’re really quiet about it, no one will hold it against you.”

“I’m sorry, Babe. I’m really sorry. We knew goin’ in that Judge Callaghan was gonna be a problem.”

“I should’ve been able to convince her. I know how she thinks. I fucked up.”

To Sonny, who knew him as well as anyone ever had, it was clear how unnerved and saddened Rafael really was. He hated hearing him like that, hurting and directing anger at himself. Hated it so much, in fact, that he made an instant decision. “I need you to do something for me.”

“What?”

“Come home.”

“Aren’t you in the office?”

“Yeah, I am, and I’m leaving as we speak. I’m coming to get you and I’m taking you home.”

“Sonny-“

“Don’t argue with me. Put on your coat and tell Carmen you’ll be gone for the rest of the day.”

“No, look-“

“Rafael. Do this for me. I’ll be there in five.” Sonny hung up before Rafael could argue. He knew perfectly well he’d never convince Rafael to take time for himself, and he also knew that in the four years they’d been together, Rafael had never once refused him anything he’d asked for. He said he couldn’t. Miraculous as it was to think that Rafael Barba was that helplessly in love with him, Sonny believed it.

Rafael sat for a few moments, staring at his phone as the screen went blank. He wanted to call Sonny back and tell him he wasn’t going to crawl home in the middle of the day like a beaten dog. He wasn’t feeling too good about things right this minute, but he’d be damned if he-

“Mr. Barba?” Carmen wrapped her torso around the door and stuck her head in. “I just got a call from Susan. I’m supposed to cancel your afternoon. I just wanted you to know I’m on it.”

“Since when do you take instructions from Susan?” Rafael snapped.

“I don’t. I take them from Mr. Carisi. Your afternoon’s cancelled.” Carmen disappeared as fast as she had appeared, but not before Rafael caught the briefest glimpse of that look. The one that told him Carmen had spoken and resistance was futile. So Sonny, a Junior ADA, tells his assistant to cancel his appointments, his assistant tells Carmen to cancel Rafael’s, and Carmen tells Rafael they’re cancelled? Is that how it worked now? When had he become so low on the chain of command over his life? 

“What if I don’t want my afternoon cancelled?” He shouted after her, grinning despite himself.

“Mr. Carisi does. It’s cancelled.”

“I outrank him.”

“Not in real life, you don’t.”

If anyone had ever told Rafael that such an exchange would not only make him smile but warm his heart on a day when it was sorely wounded, he would have given them his best withering glare. He might have similarly mocked the suggestion that hearing Sonny Carisi’s Staten Island accent would someday cause his heart to skip a beat and his entire body to relax, if only a fraction. Yet as he caught the sound of Sonny greeting Carmen, that’s exactly what happened. Rafael stood and pulled his suit jacket from the back of his chair. He had it on and was just stuffing a few papers and his computer tablet into his briefcase when Sonny’s legs came in the door to his office, followed in good order by the rest of his body. 

Sonny wasn’t smiling, but he had a gleam in his eye. _That_ gleam. 

“Are you sure about this?” Rafael asked. “I’m not very good company right now.”

“You’re always good company,” Sonny responded, and now he did smile. “That’s why I married you.”

“That’s not why you married me.”

“It’s one of the reasons.”

As always, despite Rafael’s repeated requests not to, Sonny put an arm around him and kissed him. “I also married you because you’re the best kisser in the Western Hemisphere,” Sonny murmured. “Which is how I know you can do better than that.”

“I don’t want to do better than that in my office.” Rafael tried to sound annoyed. He always tried to sound annoyed about this, and Sonny always insisted on kissing him in the office anyway. Carmen was right. Rafael in no way prevailed over Sonny in anything. He wanted to hate that. He really did. But those eyes, and those dimples, and that damn _gleam_ … It really wasn’t fair. 

So he let Sonny pull him close and kiss him, and inevitably, he was drawn in. The blinds between his office and Carmen’s desk had been closed for four years for exactly this reason. By Rafael. Carmen thought it was cute. 

Sonny picked up Rafael’s briefcase and turned toward the door, sliding his hand down Rafael’s arm to grasp his hand. “C’mon. Let’s get outta here.” Sonny was well aware that Rafael would make him let go of his hand once they reached the hallway, but he loved to push it. Rafael’s rules about public displays of affection were made to be broken. Besides, Sonny didn’t want to miss the fun of making Rafael pull his hand away. He hoped the elevator was empty.

It wasn’t, but Sonny still fondled Rafael’s ass while they rode. This, Rafael allowed, but only because experience had shown him that trying to stop it caused more of a scene than simply enjoying it. Which he very much did, although he’d never tell Sonny that.

On the way to the subway, Sonny kept Rafael entertained with stories of the morning’s arraignment docket. There was frequently bleakly funny drama there, and this morning had been no exception. Sonny had also seen Nikki Staines get a client released on his own recognizance when he should be in Riker’s right now, using an argument so labyrinthine that both Sonny and Rafael decided the judge had simply been too bamboozled to resist.

On the subway, blissfully uncrowded in the middle of the workday, Sonny kept Rafael busy fending off kisses and caresses, which he knew perfectly well Rafael loved, his dry peevishness about it notwithstanding. Sonny’s smiles and giggling were so irresistible, and his abrupt switches from silly to sensual so intoxicating that Rafael often found himself laughing as he tried to complain, and just as often found himself kissing Sonny back despite himself.

As a result, by the time they reached their apartment, Rafael had at least smiled a few times. Now that his husband had basically ordered him home, he was looking forward to his softest, most worn jeans and a comfortable, loose shirt. As they undressed, he was surprised by Sonny’s suggestion that they take a shower. 

“We just took showers a few hours ago.”

“Not together.”

Rafael looked up from where he was carefully draping his suit onto its hanger. Sonny had hung his up, too, but with nothing like the care Rafael used. He was leaning against the wall next to the closet, looking a little goofy wearing nothing but tighty-whities and socks. Except that, on second glance, Rafael saw that he was also wearing a very suggestive grin and sporting the beginnings of an erection. 

For a moment, Rafael looked away, finishing his task, being a little too careful about closing the closet door to give himself time to think. He really wasn’t in the mood for sex. Well, he was; he was always more or less in the mood to make love to Sonny, but this one time, he seriously considered refusing. 

“Rafael, I can hear you thinking. Stop it,” Sonny’s soft voice told him. He took a step toward Rafael, but didn’t touch him yet. 

“It’s been a rotten morning.”

“I know that. And I know what you’re telling yourself.” Now Sonny reached out and gently took Rafael’s arm, turning him to face him. Sonny cupped Rafael’s cheek slowly, gently. “You’re fuckin’ brilliant. You know that. Juries just do shit sometimes, and judges almost never step in. That’s all this is.”

Rafael felt secure enough, as Sonny pulled him to himself, to allow his voice to fully reveal his distress. “Tell that to the next kid he rapes.”

“That’s not on you,” Sonny said, tipping his face down to kiss him. “That’s on the jury.”

Rafael let Sonny kiss him, closing his eyes to concentrate on the sensation of Sonny’s soft lips and the delicate sweetness of his taste. His arms found their accustomed place around Sonny’s waist, and he let himself begin to relax, his mouth following wherever Sonny cared to lead. He cooperated when Sonny eased his undershirt from him and slid his boxers off, taking his socks with them. He wasn’t much help with Sonny’s underwear and socks, but he stroked Sonny’s shoulders as he bent to remove them and then, seeing beautiful Sonny naked and eager for him, Rafael felt something inside himself shift. Suddenly hungry for as much skin contact as he could get, he pulled Sonny to him and held him there, invading his mouth with impulsive ardor.

Sonny moaned at the unexpected heat and grasped a handful of hair at the back of Rafael’s head, kissing Rafael back as hard as Rafael was kissing him. At that moment, Rafael knew what he needed. He needed to be fucked, and he needed it rough. He needed to let go, safe in his Sonny’s arms, and fuck out all the self-doubt and anger until there was only pure, raw sex and the certain knowledge that Sonny was his, and he was Sonny’s, even with his colossal failure in this damned, shitty trial that he should have crushed.

“Shower,” Sonny growled, walking Rafael into the bathroom without interrupting their increasingly passionate embrace. He fumbled for the fixture, turning on the water and feeling fleetingly grateful for the feature that set the water temperature where they liked it. He was not in the mood to have to deal with adjusting it, because Rafael was grinding their bodies together and making needy, obscene noises that had Sonny fully hard. Rafael was greedy, in a hurry all of a sudden, and Sonny felt a jolt of raw lust when he felt Rafael take his cock into his hand the second they stepped under the water. 

“Fuck me,” Rafael growled, and Sonny groaned. 

There was nothing gentle in the way Rafael was stroking him, and Sonny wasn’t gentle as he backed Rafael against the corner between the glass block wall and one of the tile walls. They’d discovered that this shower, which Rafael had always thought too small, was actually perfect for the two of them because if one of them was in this corner, he could brace one leg against the glass wall beside the door. In that position, he was entirely stable, and entirely open for whatever the other had in mind. 

Sonny began to tell Rafael what he had in mind in filthy, graphic detail between nips along Rafael’s neck as Rafael pumped his cock. Sonny roughly began to finger him, and the room filled with steam and the increasing volume of their groans and occasional cries. As he felt himself get too close, Sonny pulled out of Rafael’s grasp and fell to his knees, unceremoniously lowering his mouth over Rafael’s cock as deeply as he could. Rafael gasped Sonny’s name and began to fuck his mouth as he felt Sonny stretch him with a firm haste that wasn’t his usual slow, sensual seduction. 

“Tell me,” Sonny ordered, letting Rafael out of his mouth just long enough to spew the words. “Tell me how much you want me to fuck you. Tell me how hard you want it.”

“Fuck, Carisi… Get up here. Fuck me now, I don’t want to wait. I mean it, I need you to slam into me. Now!”

Sonny didn’t waste much time getting back to his feet and grasping Rafael’s ass in one hand while, with the other, he positioned his cock.

“Tell me.”

“I want you to fuck me. Hard. Now.” Rafael was groaning through gritted teeth, and Sonny didn’t make him wait any longer before entering him quickly and, for Sonny, roughly. Had Sonny not known Rafael so well by now, Rafael’s hoarse shout would have caused him to stop immediately and apologize profusely. But he’d heard his husband’s cries of ecstasy frequently enough to know the difference between that and a shout of objection. Rafael’s tight grasp on Sonny’s buttocks, along with the way he was pulling Sonny into him, told Sonny that this was exactly what Rafael needed right now. 

Rafael didn’t want tender or soft. He wanted nasty and raw, and Sonny couldn’t pound him hard enough. “Fuck, Sonny… Harder! As hard as you can…”

“You’re mine,” Sonny growled into Rafael’s ear, thrusting powerfully into Rafael at a punishing pace. “Only I get to fuck you, only I get to make you come. Say it! Tell me you’re mine.”

“I…” Rafael was close, Sonny knew from the way he was breathing and the way he was moving, humping Sonny’s cock even as Sonny slammed into him. “I’m yours. I’m… yours. I love you…”

Sonny bit down on the inside of his cheek to hold off his orgasm as he pumped into Rafael. “I love you so much,” he whispered harshly. “You’re so fucking hot. Shit, you’re so fucking sexy, Rafael…”

He didn’t stop hissing praise until Rafael began to practically howl as he came. “Yes, Baby, come for me… come for me…” Sonny encouraged, waiting until Rafael started to come down before allowing himself to explode into him. “Oh, fuck! Fuck, I love you, Rafael!”

When they’d wrung every last aftershock from one another, they stood together, panting, arms around each other and foreheads together. 

“How the hell did I ever get lucky enough to marry you?” Rafael gasped, genuine bafflement coloring his appreciation. 

Sonny smiled beautifully and giggled a little as he gulped air. “I love that you think you’re the lucky one. I got you so snowed…”

Rafael grinned a little, but didn’t laugh. “I love you, Sonny.”

“I know. And I love you. Can I wash your hair?”

They spent the next half hour washing and caressing and appreciating each other, before turning off the water and stepping out of the shower to help one another dry off. 

Sonny made it hard to walk from the bathroom to the bed, simply because he was walking behind Rafael with his arms around him. When they had made it to the bed and settled under the sheet, Rafael found himself lying on his back in Sonny’s arms, with Sonny half lying on him and looking down at him. The look on his face reminded Rafael very much of his look in Rafael’s favorite wedding picture. Sonny had Rafael’s eyes locked with his as he ran his long fingers through Rafael’s thick hair.

“I love you,” Rafael murmured, still slightly uncomfortable with this deep level of intimacy, one he had never experienced with anyone other than Sonny. But happy. So happy.

“I love you, too,” Sonny said, “More than you’ll ever know. And if you think I’m done making you feel good, think again.” 

Rafael really wished Sonny wouldn’t rub noses with him like that. Sure, it was fun, and it felt wonderful, but it was so undignified. Oh, what the hell. At least he knew Sonny would never dream of doing it in front of anyone and, besides, they both knew Rafael could never deny Sonny anything.


End file.
